Face down on the mattress, your heartbeat like my breathing, warm and constant. Between dreams, I wake up in deja vu. Your bed, my bed, we are in both places, the same radiating heat. Hot like the sand beneath my feet, hot like you pressing me against the sheets, hot like your mouth on mine as I begged, hot like my 'no' forcing me over and over to hold my breath. Blinking, wide-eyed surprised eyes, I'm on the edge, aching, fevered -
-and wishing you were still here with me.
28.6.07
25.6.07
लाइफ गोअल्स
life goals:
*see Mt. Fuji
*learn to surf
*write a book of memoirs
*make 1,000 paper cranes
*learn Japanese
*have a creative/design career
*practice yoga on a daily basis
*sleep under the stars
*see Mt. Fuji
*learn to surf
*write a book of memoirs
*make 1,000 paper cranes
*learn Japanese
*have a creative/design career
*practice yoga on a daily basis
*sleep under the stars
लोवे
!!! Just had an amazing weekend with the boy. I'm totally head over heels in love. With his eyes, with his stories, with the way he looks at me, with his dragons, with the way I melt when he tells me to breathe...
Soooo much fun hanging out with him. And I will forever remember what it felt like waking up in his arms. I am the luckiest girl.
As I sleepily opened my eyes this morning, the sheets strewn across my bed, the sun shining lazily through the curtains, I missed him so much my heart ached, but I couldn't stop smiling. I am one happy girl.
Soooo much fun hanging out with him. And I will forever remember what it felt like waking up in his arms. I am the luckiest girl.
As I sleepily opened my eyes this morning, the sheets strewn across my bed, the sun shining lazily through the curtains, I missed him so much my heart ached, but I couldn't stop smiling. I am one happy girl.
21.6.07
18.6.07
नेवर एवर
Going through my cd collection - the eclectic incomplete mismatched aquisition it's become - I sat on my floor and popped in one cd after another, skipping through tracks, fascinated for the longest time.
There are my all time favorites - dust free, name scrawled across the front in black sharpie, declaring my devoted ownership - No Doubt, MxPx Live, Evanescence, Weezer (blue album, of course) - and then there are those that I've acquired over the years, swapped out, found in the MU Radio free bin, promos, the cds I've left on my shelf untouched for ages.
Funny thing is, my most cherished favoritest ever cds are mixes - tracks handpicked, and burnt, traded and just totally random, reminding me of freshman year, the summers spent on the Evanston beaches, that one crazy night spent going out getting drunk in the city... ;)
When I think about all the money I've spent on music over the years, adding it up... I wish for a second that I could just sell all of them back... but someone once pointed out to me that I wouldn't be the same girl I am today without them. It's so true. So I slip them back on the shelf, and keep them, little testimonies to the memories they contain.
There are my all time favorites - dust free, name scrawled across the front in black sharpie, declaring my devoted ownership - No Doubt, MxPx Live, Evanescence, Weezer (blue album, of course) - and then there are those that I've acquired over the years, swapped out, found in the MU Radio free bin, promos, the cds I've left on my shelf untouched for ages.
Funny thing is, my most cherished favoritest ever cds are mixes - tracks handpicked, and burnt, traded and just totally random, reminding me of freshman year, the summers spent on the Evanston beaches, that one crazy night spent going out getting drunk in the city... ;)
When I think about all the money I've spent on music over the years, adding it up... I wish for a second that I could just sell all of them back... but someone once pointed out to me that I wouldn't be the same girl I am today without them. It's so true. So I slip them back on the shelf, and keep them, little testimonies to the memories they contain.
16.6.07
सुम्मेर वाकाशन!
I am left behind for two weeks, the house to myself, the fam happily in Italy drinking vineyard wine by the pool, and my blissfully afternoon-free work schedule allowing for lots of time just for myself.
I love waking up in the morning to silence (usually little brother wakes me up by playing his electric guitar at 6am), I love running up and down to the shower totally naked, I love eating pad thai while I watch foreign films in my skimpy jersey nightgowns in the evenings... I like coming and going whenever, wherever. Like my own little vacation right here at home.
Counting down the days until red comes to visit. I like the solitude, but I'll be totally ready for some company by then ;)
I love waking up in the morning to silence (usually little brother wakes me up by playing his electric guitar at 6am), I love running up and down to the shower totally naked, I love eating pad thai while I watch foreign films in my skimpy jersey nightgowns in the evenings... I like coming and going whenever, wherever. Like my own little vacation right here at home.
Counting down the days until red comes to visit. I like the solitude, but I'll be totally ready for some company by then ;)
11.6.07
विष लिस्ट
what i got for my bday:
cake batter ice cream from Cold Stone
citgo prepaid card
a promise for something from Italy
a cherry print apron with red bows
lavender Vera Wang roses
a jade ring
gift cards to go shopping with
a billion calls and texts
a pony
:)
cake batter ice cream from Cold Stone
citgo prepaid card
a promise for something from Italy
a cherry print apron with red bows
lavender Vera Wang roses
a jade ring
gift cards to go shopping with
a billion calls and texts
a pony
:)
वहत अरे यू वेअरिंग?
JAizen: what are you wearing
sparkletoastie: right now?
JAizen: sure
sparkletoastie: ummm, jeans and a purple tank top
JAizen: boring
sparkletoastie: but honest
JAizen: so?
sparkletoastie: ok i am wearing a hot pink teddy with black lace, and a diamond necklace with 6 inch fetish shoes... better?
JAizen: much
hahaha
sparkletoastie: right now?
JAizen: sure
sparkletoastie: ummm, jeans and a purple tank top
JAizen: boring
sparkletoastie: but honest
JAizen: so?
sparkletoastie: ok i am wearing a hot pink teddy with black lace, and a diamond necklace with 6 inch fetish shoes... better?
JAizen: much
hahaha
10.6.07
9.6.07
डान्स फ़ॉर मे
"... i'm not paralyzed,
but I seem to be struck by you.
I want to make you move
because your standing still.
If your body matches
what your eyes can do..."
~ Paralyzer, Finger Eleven
my current fave morning get-ready striptease song
but I seem to be struck by you.
I want to make you move
because your standing still.
If your body matches
what your eyes can do..."
~ Paralyzer, Finger Eleven
my current fave morning get-ready striptease song
फल्लिंग इन लोवे विथ फ्लोवेर्स
Thin veins beneath delicate skin, unveiling like a virgin, the first breath. Life suspended, beautiful in that moment between - becoming and being, living and dying, sleeping and awake.
Roses are beautiful because of their fragile immediacy, their impermanence. The blossoms only last for a moment before they are gone, leaving only a memory in their place. Is memory the same as the past? If I could hold onto every memory, every petal and save it forever, would it be as wonderful as having it only for those few fleeting seconds? which is more precious? I fell in love, over the petals, my own sweet memories the fragrance even long after they are gone.
Roses are beautiful because of their fragile immediacy, their impermanence. The blossoms only last for a moment before they are gone, leaving only a memory in their place. Is memory the same as the past? If I could hold onto every memory, every petal and save it forever, would it be as wonderful as having it only for those few fleeting seconds? which is more precious? I fell in love, over the petals, my own sweet memories the fragrance even long after they are gone.
8.6.07
बुब्ब्लेस लिके द्रेंस
I wake up from dreams that have lately seemed like life. I think about them until the water from the shower hits my skin and wakes me up one sensation at a time. Soapy and wet, the bubbles rinse away and my thoughts follow them down the drain, and I feel clean, ~happy ~ more than ever.
Sitting out in the sun today, half an hour in the sun with a book felt like vacation. I can't wait to see him, I can't wait to sleep next to him, waking up girlishly happy.
Sitting out in the sun today, half an hour in the sun with a book felt like vacation. I can't wait to see him, I can't wait to sleep next to him, waking up girlishly happy.
4.6.07
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