i wonder, what we sound like. on those quiet nights when the world is asleep and we are the only ones awake. our breathing, the soft quiet moans, the gentle rustle of blankets. him telling me to stay quiet, shhh baby. words - murmured, purred - 'please' 'yes' 'slow'. shhhh baby. so comforting, so familiar.

seeing the boy of my dreams come to visit me while i am working totally makes my day

क्लौड

i feel like i am floating on clouds

वोर्ड्स

i'm reading Peony In Love, by the same author as Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.

It's a Chinese ghost story, but moreso about love and loss.

It has made me stop and think about how important karma is, and the consequences that occur when we knowingly interfere.

It has also made me excited to be a future wife, and just let life take me where it wants to.

There is no stopping the wind, or the water, it will find it's own path.

the boy comes home friday!

so so much is going on and it is all coming together

<3 hardcore

करमा

i will take it.
i bite my lip and
you think i'm flirting.
i am just trying not to cry.

घोस्ट्स

Those apparations
in mirrors
tear at my fabricated notion
that i was safe in dreams
i who spend my life inbetween sleep
am not sure
how the spirits enter unseen doors.

i find that when i talk about him, i can't help but smile.


:)

i am such a happy girl.

new year's resolution:

minimalism


i cleaned out my closet today... and threw out 6 garbage bags of stuff i had in there for no reason! tapes, invitations, negatives, shoelaces... My flirtation with being a collage artist and redmoon intern somehow had gotten me into the habit of saving stuff to use "for projects". But this year, moving my life in boxes, i am resolving to become a minimalist, only keeping things i use day to day.

i just want to drive around with you, get into trouble, have no plans, and do whatever we want. The radio loud, the windows down, just you and me.

On this side it's snowing, wood like warmth, soaking in the melting flakes. Standing here, shivering, my breathing in beautiful blossoms of frozen wind - pondering the possibility of sunshine, i watch the winter water rushing by. I have all the time in the world. I have now or never. I am frozen in a world of movement. Movement of inertia? Or vibration? Will my decision echo like a gong awaking the koi the swim beneath the glassy waves?

Or am I childishly aching to see what is on the other side?


Can I leave those spirits behind? Or will they loyally stay by my side forever like a reoccuring dream?

all i want to do today is paint...

maybe i'll stay up all night with the lights on with my watercolors and paint until the sun comes up.

i say that now, watch i'll totally be asleep as soon as i get home from work. :)

दो आईटी

omg it's so much fun - just DO IT ;)

and let me know if you're surprised by the results

होम

Everytime I go somewhere new, I am so ready to explore - find my little niche of a coffee shop, make new friends, get lost driving around at night, learning the little quirks of the place, the new heartbeat of the city i am learning to live in.

It takes a little time, but with all small newness flirtations, it is exciting. Soon it feels familiar. Now I have lots of separate city 'homes' - Milwaukee, LA, Tucson, Lake Geneva.... Wichita is next.

But like all first true loves, Chicago will always be Home to me.

city on down

क्लौड

A forest, the zen puzzle to the soft waves
beneath which i swim
barely breathing
each inhale like your touch
i crave the feathersoft tingles
it sends through my skin
like warm leaves, like new paper
like first morning dew
my breathing matches yours
beneath those white sheets,
that soft space of clouds
we sleep upon

किन्दा लिके ड्रीम अनाल्य्सिस

1. You are walking in the woods. You are not alone. Who is with you?
Grace

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
rabbit

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
look, go on separate ways

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your dream house. How big is it?
small - one main room

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
no - super feng shui

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining
table , what is on it?
candle

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
paper

8. What do you do with the cup?
leave it

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at
a body of water, what is it?
small pond with lily pads

10. How will you cross the water?
don't - just look at my reflection

After you copy and paste into a new bulletin, and answer ALL the questions above you can look down here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
v

The ANSWERS

1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important to you.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.

सोंग्स

One in A Million - Pooka

i love finding new music.

and this falls in all my categories of music loves : experimental, female vocalist, minor key overtones, indie

listen to it! this song makes me think about dark fairy tales where the twisted endings are inevitable, heartbreaking, and mysteriously entangled.

प्रेसेंट्स

i love love love looking forward to things. it's the build-up anticipation that motivates my creativity, the flirting foreplay that makes me all girlishly shivery excited.
The feeling of an unopened envelope in your hands, the warmth that comes just before the rain, the luxurious dolling-up before going out, the clean fresh white paper and wet ink, the smell of cookies in the oven, waking up on your birthday.

It's what life is to me.




(i love you)

मोनोकोरो बू

simple is best

black and white
silhouette of snow on afternoon grey
your shadow exists on my heart
the warmth reminds me
of how cold it becomes
without you.

ब्लू इंक

Blue ink encircling liquid violet art. My pale skin a canvas, it makes my body feel like something beautiful.




How can something so satisfying just makes me want more?

अपडेट

I am crossing my fingers, and watching everything fall into place piece by piece. My transfer request is in process and i am getting stuff ready for moving. yay! i am so happy, it just feels right.

One week til i see Dragon!

Sometimes i am the luckiest girl in the world.

वन

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cell phone?
bag

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend?
dragon

3. Your Hair?
dark

4. Work?
sticky

5. Your father?
strict

6. Your favorite thing?
yes

7. Your dream last night?
nightmare

8. Your favorite drink?
tea

9. Your dream?
happiness

10. The room you are in?
sublevel

11. Your pet?
fluffy

12. Your fears?
loneliness

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
cosmetologist

14. Where did you hang out last night?
couch

15. What you are not good at?
lying

16. Eyebrow rings on the opposite sex?
sometimes

17. One of your wish list items?
boots

18. Where you grew up?
chicago

19. The last thing you did?
organized

20. What are you wearing?
hoodie

21. What arent you wearing?
undies (j/k)

23. Your computer?
broken

24. Your life?
starting

25. Your mood?
hopeful

26. Missing?
boy

27. What are you thinking about right now?
apartment

28. Your car?
audi

29. Your work?
roxors

30. Your summer?
rollercoaster

31. Your relationship status?
engaged

32. Your favorite color?
purple

33. When is the last time you laughed?
earlier

34. Last time you cried?
before

35. School?
haircutting!

i love watching the sun rise from inside the little coffee shop :)

thanks

every year at thanksgiving, my family all says one thing that they're thankful for. the boys get all silly about it and say dumb stuff like "i'm thankful for socks" or something, but it's a tradition that i have grown up with and think about before each thanksgiving.

here is a list of things i am thankful for:
my family
all of the time i have had with Papa. i was one lucky granddaughter.
eric
having a good job
my friends i know i can always count on (you know who you are!)
new opportunities :)
and as tradition dictates, yes i am thankful for socks. (striped ones) hehe

!

i love the way you call me baby


love this song, love her voice, and love the lighting design


... and i love the boy who calls me "baby"

LA

द्रगों

i love him.

such a fun weekend: hung out with dragon super hardcore, got something a little more permanent than a ring ;), went up to milwaukee and saw amber!, watched Family Guy, snuggled...

:)

surveysays

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?

1. Produce --- strawberries
2. Bakery --- chocolate chip muffins
3. Meat --- tofu hot dogs
4. Frozen -- popcicles
5. Dry Goods --- pistachios

* Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles with you. So, what's in your bag?

1. toothbrush
2. cell phone
3. hoodie

* If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

1. like totally
2. super hardcore
3. whatever
4. seriously
5. same diff

* So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you'd probably be in a pretty irritable/bad mood?

1. make my bed - i am superstitious about it
2. take a shower, shave my legs - i just feel gross without it
3. drink - like, liquids, not (necessarily) alcohol lol

* What are 3 things that you have in your room that have been with you for the longest amount of time?

1. my yellow blankie - it has been with me through everything
2. my piggie bank - it's so cute, wooden with see through sides - it's always empty
3. tata - my ragdoll from childhood

* You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?

1. someone on their bike in the street (and not in the bike lane!)
2. someone super slow
3. a bus stopping every block - this annoys me even when i am ON the bus

* Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?

1. blogging (surprise!)
2. napping
3. reading Vogue, Cosmo, or Allure
4. taking risque digital photos
5. talking/texting on the phone



* We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?

1. giraffes
2. monkeys
3. birds (i love the lincoln park zoo bird exhibit!)

* You just scored tickets to the taping of any show of your choice. You can pick between 3, so what are you deciding between?

1. project runway
2. beauty and the geek
3. real world

* You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?

1. cake batter
2. mint chocolate chip
3. pistachio

* Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?

1. 3 tubes of lip gloss
2. Orbitz sweet mint gum
3. a bunch of receipts, some from kansas, chicago, and california
4. phone charger
5. my monokuro boo planner from chinatown

* You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?

1. floor planner - in retail, food service, whatever - i will have it feng shui in no time flat
2. lighting design
3. cosmetology
4. fashion design

* If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school and inform yourself of 4 things that you should do differently, what would it be?

1. don't run away from home - it will make growing up harder
2. no doritos and ice cream before bed during college - you WILL gain the freshman 15
3. boys are easy come easy go - choose carefully - it's an ocean, not a fishbowl
4. home is where the heart is

ओब्सेर्वशन्स

random facts about me

i love pineapple. drinking rootbeer out of a cup is more satisfying than straight from the bottle. i color coordinate my undies with my outfit not on purpose. orange flavored toothpaste roxors. stripes make me happy. i sleep better next to someone than alone. i love ninjas and dragons. lunch is my favorite.

i am late to work.

blondieaf9: oh god
blondieaf9: yeah i am
blondieaf9: what the fuckl
blondieaf9: fuck
blondieaf9: not fuckl
sparkletoastie: HAHAHAHA

sparkletoastie: fuckl is funnier
sparkletoastie: i am going to use it from now on
blondieaf9: hahahahaha
sparkletoastie: LOL

सेल आउट

awwww


jt always reminds me of amber, and i know it might seem like i sold out but there is something i really like about this :)

एन्गागेद

*** super hardcore punk drum roll please ***

Dragon and I are engaged!

:) yay

you never know what adventures life will take you on ;)

प्लायिंग कात्च उप

ok time to play catch up... what is really going on in my life anyway???

let's see...

working: i'm working two jobs - babysitting Te, and my Starbucks gig. Being a shift is like stage managing - just basically calling the shots (no pun intended haha) and billions of phone calls. It's come full circle.

free time: In my free time (like before babysitting at 7am and closing at 10pm) i am either doing one of three things: talking on the phone to dragon, napping, or playing beer pong. Although lately I have found time to spend $$$ on shoes, and the occassional irresistable striped clothing accessory... *giggles*

reading: I have been stuck in the middle of A Portrait In Sepia for months now, and I wanted to re-read Life of Pi... but it somehow has ended up floating around in the backseat of my car so hopefully I'll get back to reading things other than Vogue again soon.

vacation: I'm flying out to LA on the 15th for the weekend. It's mostly just because I needed a west-coast fix complete with In & Out Burger and Toshi had to come clean on a bet he made with me. ha

education: I have been accepted to Pivot Point and am waiting for a start date, however, there may be a slight change in plans because of a certain pending engagement ;)

wishlist

wishlist

*dragon
*smashbox o-gloss
*tiedye lounge pants
*consistent *$'s schedule
*constant supply of iced tea in the fridge
*pink shoes
*a day off

listen

पिंक

pink things i love:

*cotton candy
*undies
*stripes
*shaving cream
*cadillacs
*high heels
*lolipops

सो हैप्पी

i'm so totally in love with him. it just makes my world happy. :)

i love my boyfriend.

गोथिक लोलिता

i am such a girly girl.

and lately i have become obsessed with lolita fashion. <3

love the petticoats, ruffles, accessories and pretty shoes!!!

it's like Alice in Wonderland little girl with a mysterious, taboo sexy twist all tied up with bows :)

cemetary

बेबी

everything is different in your arms. a garden i have never seen before, the colors like memories i haven't yet experienced. deja vu, apres vu, deja vous, apres vous, deja vous.

voire, etre. c'est le meme? like a dream i can only hope is real.

open my eyes, let me see you will still be there sleeping beside me.

ouvrez mes yeux, que vous eussiez ete ici.

शोएस

sexiest shoes. and they're mine!

all i want is you.

इ ऍम

i am the connecting claddagh palm.

लिके थे रैन

i love him.

like standing in the rain,
shivering wet, waiting.
i close my eyes against the storm
and open them
with his mouth against mine
like the perfect movie ending.

i am so glad he did not give up on me.

प्लेस

can i please put my thoughts on hold?

i need time of free falling, getting back to the girl i am. i need to let the pieces fall and decipher them from there instead of predicting heads or tails.

i need to be the girl i was when you met me - ready for anything, taking chances, trying things on for size and changing my mind all over again.

i need to laugh and wear plaid with stripes. i need to be free.

i need to be the girl i am.

i'm sorry.

! i learned how to shoot today

it's such a long story, can't even use words because i'm holding my breath. it is so simple like a circle, the zen like disconnect disappered when i realized we were on the same wavelength. around and around and around

but there is no one else i'd rather be encircled in, than with you.

ब्यूटी

c. Bella Pilar


so...

i was accepted at Pivot Point, i just have to decide, and if the answer is yes choose a start date.

i want it. i want to be one of those girls in all black on the studio floor, i want to learn the tricks of the trade and apply it to the trends in the glossy paged magazines. i want to use my design theory classes, i want my homework to be about color. i want to work on the back lot at paramount. i want to be in that fast-paced, edgy competitive creative world.

ओरंगे मून

the moon a medallion in the decolletage of night, a glowing orange lantern on a garden party evening. like a waking dream revealing itself true, i held my breath, knowing the ache in my heart was love. gravitational magnetism drawing me to this boy, this night, this moment. for the longest time no words were spoken; in the easy silence i was sure he loved me too.

i will never forget that night, i will never forget that moment, i will never lose the love i have for this boy.

props

photoshoot prop ideas:

umbrella
angel wings
rope (purple, please)
christmas lights

recently inspired by this livejournal feed

i am such an exhibitionist.

सिंस ई मके एनौघ ऑफ़ थेम

What Your Latte Says About You

When it comes to what you like, you have your own unique tastes. And people don't really understand them. You are a very frivolous person. You don't take anything too seriously. Why should you? You have a good deal of energy, but you pace yourself. You never burn out too fast. You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it. You are a child at heart, and you don't ever miss the opportunity to do something playful. You are honest and genuine, but you are never tactless.

What Does Your Latte Say About You?

ई मिस

i miss snuggling with you under the covers in the early hours of morning. i miss being held, barely breathing, quietly just taking it all in. i miss the rope around my wrists, being pinned to the floor, my heart racing. i miss laughing, untying apron strings, that bratty sense of humor. i miss the way you look at me at unexpected moments. i miss your mouth, your arms, your dragons, your eyes, your thoughts, the way you show rather than tell.

i miss you.

"Searching mountains, fields, and meadows green
What is it my heart can hope to find
All I long for I have never seen
Tales of glory written in the dust
Tapestries of deepest purple gold
Legends carved in stone tell me I must
Journey through the mist and bitter cold
Seeking in the corners of the earth
My companions I have never known
Blindly running forth, is honor worth
Endless hours of silence spent alone?"
~ Emilie Autumn, By the Sword

सुच अ गर्ल

This kimchi&blue jumper is on it's way to me :) yay

आर्ट

an artist is an unpredictable being.

what would matisse be without aqua trees?

what would van gogh be without his ear?

what would pavarotti be without his tantrums?

what would elsa schiaparelli be without her infamous dress?


sometimes you have to follow your heart no matter how many different directions it pulls you.

बैक तो स्चूल

So i just submitted a request for an application/ information interview at Pivot Point . :) ! just to get some ideas, answers, and a realistic view on things to decide if this is what i want.

ग्रेग

i can't let him go.

i know what i want, i just don't know how to get it from so far away.

अशेस ऎंड स्नो

I saw this exhibit one spring in LA, and it was one of the most breathtaking things I have seen.



I love these images, I love the memory of walking through the softly sun-slanted gallery, stopping slowly at each sepia photograph. It was incredibly crowded, but it was so quiet it felt like it was just you and the photos. My favorite was a photo series of stills transformed into a video stream of a boy swimming with an elephant. The composite of never having seen such an event with the way the artist allowed the viewer to forget about logistics made me catch my breath, stop and think, and realize that so much is going on in the world while we live our daily lives.

हेअर्ताचे

things that make me happy today

*green tea
*heart to heart phonecalls
*cold breezes
*sims storyboards on the livejournal feed
*new super short no-nonsense skirt from Express on sale
*pumpkin spice
*japanese koto music
*"i love you"
*orange sunset clouds on a perfect fall day

व्हें

when i don't know where your heart lies, i will never trust it. I ask you questions every night, and the one that matters most has never been answered.

I search your deepest caverns blindfolded. Silently sitting, waiting patiently under the canopy of your fabricated life, I hold my breath for that single leaf to fall. I cannot breathe, I cannot keep waiting. I cannot keep looking for something you are not willing to hand to me.

बब्य्सित्तिंग

Today I babysat for my babysitter's baby. hehe Petit David, he is sooo cute. And smart!



He was fascinated with the smallest things, the water from the faucet, the shadows his fingers made with the sun streaming in the windows. It was so much work, but so rewarding.

सो मुच

i'm so in love it hurts.

i want him, i love him. i am sure.

and i don't know what to do.

i can't wait to see him again.

रेमेम्बेर

remember the morning on venice, so early the merchants weren't there, we ran down the boardwalk chasing the seagulls and waited as the sun came up. i thought about that tattoo because i wanted to remember forever what that felt like - it was nothing about ink or skin or little blue stars. remember sleeping in, our sunburns red and it even hurt to laugh. i think i laughed harder than i have ever laughed that day, in the passenger seat of your car. late nights, empty bars, we drank banana martinis and rum and coke, and wished to be back at homeish and all i want right now is to be at that empty little tiki bar with you. remember the hammock late at night where we whispered and fell asleep, the warmth of the jacuzzi evaporating into the blue night air. we still have to ding-dong ditch Ray Bradbury, plan a post-it bandit mission, and protest rainforest deforestation outside of Prada. remember taking the bus on full moon october nights, sushi monsters, and eating ice cream in plaid pajama pants. remember early morning naps, the sun streaming in the window - it felt like the world was on pause. i would give anything just to have that full moon first kiss feeling again.

मिर्रोर मिर्रोर

Just when i feel like i am a lost little girl in a big spinning world, something happens to let me know i am not alone.

A text, a conversation that is like the words taken out of my mouth, a look into the other side of the story...



Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is
~ There Is, Boxcar Racer

ब्यूटी इस अस ब्यूटी डेस

So i am seriously considering beauty school.

i've kept coming back to the idea, and have given it a lot of thought. i would be using my communication skills, as well as some of my design education, and combining it with the skills i would learn in beauty school. i have enough advertising behind me that with a little business savvy, i could very possibly open my own salon someday...

today

Today is a Death Cab for Cutie kind of day.

अपोलोगीज़े

story of my life

please click ^ it explains everything

मून

It's a new moon. Thank Vishnu. Time to breathe, start over.

I'm ready.

लोवे

my love for you
is like fire under water

उन्स्पोकें

those words
written true
engraved upon
your heart
those words
piercing
like the twist of a sword
those words
blindingly vibrant
eyes closed
i turn away
those words
you will never say
to me

कप्काके

ला

thinking about going to LA in October...

हैप्पी

things that make me happy today:

*morning texts from dragon
*music - today i'm into As Tall As Lions and Alkaline Trio
*cloudless blue skies, and chilly breezes. fall is coming! yay
*blueberry white iced tea in the fridge
*full tank of gas in my car
*photos - love this photographer
*soft cozy plaid pajama pants
*having the morning to do whatever i want

~happy sigh~

For this freedom
I have given all I had
For this darkness
I gave my light
For this wisdom
I have lost my innocence
Take my petals
And cover me with the night

-Rose Red, Emilie Autumn

wishlist

*striped lolita stockings
*black combat boots
*a second job
*a koto
*corset top - like tam's!
*a girls day out shopping - VS, anyone?
*rent money
*Kansas to be closer to Chicago
*wireless internet
*a collar
*professional pics ...aimes?
*macaroni and cheese
*cuddles

ल्य्रिक्स

wait for a heart that never lies

प्लेस नो

I feel like my world is upside down.

पेंटिंग

The deep purples wash over the page, I lose track of time. Tiny brushstrokes, a miniature abstract of the thoughts drifting through my mind. Colors mixing, fading, reapplied. Repetitive, surprising, soothing. I am completely lost in my own world -
until I feel his warmth behind my back, his kiss hot on my mouth. Waking up from a daydream has never been so wonderful.

तोतों

I have been doing a lot of thinking. And breathing. Which is exactly what I came here to do. I am in love with him. I am in love with sleeping in his arms, and giggling uncontrollably when he tickles me. I melt every time he says 'i love you'. You know that feeling when it's so hot outside and you're at the pool, and you're about to jump in without testing the temperature of the water just because it is so inviting... and you jump in, over your head and the water is cold, but the more you get used to it, the better it feels, and you adjust to the new temperature, the new environment, the new perspective you have inside of the water rather than out...
This crazy state and this boy are kinda like that.

And that is the longest runon sentence I think I have ever written, except for the time when I was rebelling and convinced that punctuation was obsolete.

*sigh*

लीविंग लोस वेगास

i'm going to Kansas with Dragon for the week! i'll be home on the 1st, so don't miss me too much hehe. call me! i'll be around exploring Wichita, making the most of my time off from work, and hanging out with the boy. :)

i'll keep you posted!

ब्रवेर्य स्विम

Jumping in heart first, I am completely unpredictable. It is the first time I have ever felt so free.

सुब्मिस्सिवे

Submissive
kneeling at your feet
ask for more
and i will
say yes.

ई'm जुस्त अ गर्ल

They say...
^every day is like a new life.
Lets just startoverheartbeatneverlookback.
^boys will be boys.
Will you bemyboybetweenheartachesbetweenthesheets?
^you can do anything you put your mind to.
Give me somethingtoprovetoyouicando.
^give an inch, they'll take a mile.
Watch me measureeachcentimeterwithoutcounting.
^i'm just a girl.
Let me beyourgirlyouroneandonlyandwatchmeshine.

सर्वे सय्स

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4
ab ovo \ab-o'o-(,)vo\ adv [L, lit., from the egg] (ca.1586) : from the beginning
... um yeah the nearest book was the dictionary

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there?
the September issue of Popular Science

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
the news

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
3 ish

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
2:55 - i was close

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Coldplay's Lips Like Sugar, my dad talking to the maillady, and other random hectic house noise

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
i was coming home from work, trying to lock my car, carry my icetea and unlock the front door

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
my myspace account

9. What are you wearing?
purple skirt, and a blue tshirt

10. Did you dream last night?
yes - my morning dreams are always weird cuz of my snooze-hitting habit

11. When did you last laugh?
a couple of minutes ago, at my sister

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
a replica Little Brother painted of the American Gothic

13. Seen anything weird lately?
um?

14. What do you think of this quiz?
it's ok

15. What is the last film you saw?
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (does that count as a "film"?? not sure)

16. If you became a multimillionaire over night, what would you buy?
a beachfront condo, and an aqua Stella

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I get really sick of chocolate

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
stop global warming

19. Do you like to dance?
yes, definately

20. George Bush:
*loathing*

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
I love the name Rose

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Jack (jack and jill... you know?)

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
absolutely. i'm always up for an adventure

24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
is Buddha home?

स्ट्रिप फ़ॉर मे बेबी

If I had a stripper name, it would be Lolita.

ई मिस

I miss Papa.

Today at the grocery store, we saw a man in a hat that looked like his. Even little things like that triggers remembering, realizing that he is gone.

We used to debate plots of plays, artistically critisizing director's choices long after the curtain had fallen, sitting on long afternoons juggling back and forth why were they waiting for Godot anyway? I loved Beckett - he preferred Ibsen. Discussing a single line of Shakespeare was punished with a rewarding history lesson that I would later use in a paper for class that I would proudly get an A on. He taught me so much.

I miss his playful sense of humor. We would plot together how to sneak potato chips before dinner without Gram finding out. He would make up words to songs, my sister and I in tears from laughing so hard. He would make up stories about people we saw at the beach. He would dress the dog up in a raincoat. We loved him so much.

I will miss his hugs, his honest interest in how school was going, his habit of falling asleep doing crossword puzzles in his chair, his advice he would give whether you wanted it or not, his silly toasts, his serious speeches, his plaid shirts and glasses.

I miss him so much.

वन वीक

Dragon comes home in a week!

yay, so happy :)

Summer has totally flown by. So I just thought to keep up with tradition, I would list the highlights, in random order of events ;)

*going to the beach (the Lake Michigan one, Tam lol)
*Amber's graduation party
*my birthday visit from Dragon - such a fun weekend!
*Amber's birthday party, all drama included
*the Blue line
*having the house to myself for two weeks, um I mean the family Italy trip
*getting my "new jewelry" hee hee, still totally loving the new piercings
*LA weekend with mom
*little brother getting his license
*beer pong
*Harry Potter extravaganza
*interviewing at Chicago Shakespeare - and turning it down after all
*blueberry stoli
*marathon phone calls with Dragon
*shopping with Escargot - she hates shopping, it doesn't happen very often
*discovering Super H Mart
*watercolor class
*taste of chicago, custer street fair, and the Evanston art fair
*realizing this is probably my last summer at home :)

पेंटिंग थे बिग पिक्चर

"If you always paint in miniature, you will never make it."
I disagree. How much more patience is required. It's a haiku versus the Illiad. Each word means more. Reasons, thoughts, significance.

I stand in awe of Rainy Day in Paris, but what really keeps me is the small earring - pearlescent, radiant. I stand back, and take in how the silvery wet silver glow mirrors my favorite point of interest. I come to this big city downtown museum just for that earring.

"Think of how many more you will have to make to fill a gallery."
And why would I want to paint less?

"All of those little tiny pictures, you would have to sell millions to make the money."
Not unless each one is worth those millions. ;)

डिसीजन

My love is caught between freedom masquerading as a golden cage and a full heart masquerading as an empty hand.
Am I a phoenix?
Or the connecting claddagh palm?

अगस्त

first of august



August is the month of changes. The end of hot summer days, the beginning of autumn. Magical, the moon always seems brighter, deeper in August. Obon the Japanese celebration of afterlife and Lughnasadh the Wiccan harvest fest are both celebrated in the same month. A cycle, shifting.

One of the most beautiful months of the year. The boy comes home in about two weeks! So happy.

स्तेल्लार

"Meet me in outerspace
We could spend the night, watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place, wont you come with me
We could start again
How do you do it, make me feel like I do
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew"
~ Stellar, Incubus

हर्र्य पॉटर

I finished the last Harry Potter book! Once I picked it up (or got a chance to, once Escargot finally let go of it) I couldn't put it down until I turned the last page. And even then, I wished that there was more. I heard she's putting together two more projects ~ I hope they're fantasy/fiction like Harry, she has such good ideas.
It's funny, the first book was handed to me before the books were even popular - I left it in a drawer, forgot about it, moved, unpacked it, left it around, and finally one summer night a year later finally read it - cover to cover It's totally addicting.
P.S. It's Harry Potter's birthday today!

I'm such a dork :)

बुत्तेर्फ्ल्य

i have butterflies in my stomach

random, new haircut pics





so vogue

ई ऍम

Today i am...

all girlied up
totally unpredictable
shivery
nostalgic
talkative
on time
procrastinating
sticky
punk rocking it out
on a sugar rush
completely unable to sit still

ई लिके थे वय

my current rock out song:

There's so many things i like about you, I..
I just don't know where to begin,

I like the way you, look at me with those beautiful eyes,
I like the way you, act all surprised,
I like the way you, sing along,
I like the way you, always get it wrong,
I like the way you, clap your hands,
I like the way you, love to dance,
I like the way you, put your hands up in the air,
I like the way you, shake your hair,
I like the way you, like to touch,
I like the way you, stare so much,
but most of all....
Yeah..
most of all....

I like the way you move

~ i like the way, Bodyrockers

व्त्फ

why do i have these songs on my itunes???

kung-fu fighting - beverly hills ninja soundtrack
scandalous - miss-teeq
ultimate you - lindsay lohan
you're beautiful - james blunt
the hamster dance techno mix
get naked - boo yung

LMAO !

वाके उप स्लीपिंग ब्यूटी

Buzzing, the vibrations wake me up from somewhere in a deep foggy sleep. Reaching, my hand on my little red phone.
"Good morning, gorgeous."
Smiling, girlishly sleepily happy, I murmur hello. The sun just coming up, his voice makes my heart skip. I am suddenly aware of my skin against the sheets. I think about him, still sleepy too. Waking up together.
"Love you, babe."
Love you too.

ओं मय ओवन

Blue evening outside the open door. Inside the electric light makes clean white paper glow. Water, brush, color like ink - mixing paint - how did Van Gogh know to make the perfect sunflower yellow? I find I am the happiest when I am making something completely on my own, free-form, daydreaming.

new camera!

बव

snow white

लोवे अन्गेल मुसिक बेबी

Annotated recent playlist ~iamsuchadork~


*Cool - gwen stefani = rocking out to Gwen Stafani lately. She is totally my girly glamour rockstar icon. love angel music baby

*Long for the Flowers - 311 = total summer at the beach surfer song. where's my board and roxy rashguard top?

* I wish I was the Moon - Neko Case = somehow ended up on our playlist at work... it makes me daydream while I make carmel macchiatos. I totally get all girly over this song.

*City Love - John Mayer = before you think i've completely sold out... he is pretty ingenue avante-garde. plus, this song just makes me want to lounge around in my undies and sip ice-tea, which is a pretty perfect way to spend a hot summer day.

*Read My Mind - The Killers = "I never really gave up on/ Breakin' out of this two-star town/I got the green light/I got a little fight/I'm gonna turn this thing around". significant? yes.

*Mr. E's Beautiful Blues - the Eels = waking up to this makes me happy all day :)

गेत्तिंग मेस्स्य

Little circles of liquid color, sticky plastic wiped down clean. Fresh, clean rainbow droplets motheringly soaked up into a tiedyed towel. White new paper, soapy washed brushes, little girl pastel artwork staying between the lines.

More color, my professor says. You aren't this shy in real life. My aqua shoes, my red tshirt, my india print sarong. When I photograph my rendering, the canvas looks blank. Where is Jill's assignment? My classmates tease, my ghostlike watercolor representation next to their bright acrylics.

This time, I decide to be bold with color, forget all previous technique. Do it my way, no caution. Affinity for happy accidents, I mix colors I never thought would work. Water, paint, my clothes splattered, no erasers allowed. I feel totally free.

Who knew orange and blue make the most beautiful grey?

ये

i got an interview set tomorrow with chicago shakespeare!

it's for a paid/salaried + benefits stage crew apprenticeship - at one of the most reputable theaters in the area.

it sounds too good to be true.

हैप्पी गर्ल

"Everybody knows
That the sweetest thing that you'll ever see
In the whole wide world
Is a happy girl"


Things that make me happy today
*my Dragon
*banana and strawberry Runts... mmm candy
*listening to Bob Marley on my way to work
*making perfect mocha
*being in love
*having the sibs back

हाई अन्फ लोव

Face down on the mattress, your heartbeat like my breathing, warm and constant. Between dreams, I wake up in deja vu. Your bed, my bed, we are in both places, the same radiating heat. Hot like the sand beneath my feet, hot like you pressing me against the sheets, hot like your mouth on mine as I begged, hot like my 'no' forcing me over and over to hold my breath. Blinking, wide-eyed surprised eyes, I'm on the edge, aching, fevered -

-and wishing you were still here with me.

pagoda

लाइफ गोअल्स

life goals:

*see Mt. Fuji
*learn to surf
*write a book of memoirs
*make 1,000 paper cranes
*learn Japanese
*have a creative/design career
*practice yoga on a daily basis
*sleep under the stars

लोवे

!!! Just had an amazing weekend with the boy. I'm totally head over heels in love. With his eyes, with his stories, with the way he looks at me, with his dragons, with the way I melt when he tells me to breathe...
Soooo much fun hanging out with him. And I will forever remember what it felt like waking up in his arms. I am the luckiest girl.

As I sleepily opened my eyes this morning, the sheets strewn across my bed, the sun shining lazily through the curtains, I missed him so much my heart ached, but I couldn't stop smiling. I am one happy girl.

तोताल्ल्य

totally on top of the world

नेवर एवर

Going through my cd collection - the eclectic incomplete mismatched aquisition it's become - I sat on my floor and popped in one cd after another, skipping through tracks, fascinated for the longest time.
There are my all time favorites - dust free, name scrawled across the front in black sharpie, declaring my devoted ownership - No Doubt, MxPx Live, Evanescence, Weezer (blue album, of course) - and then there are those that I've acquired over the years, swapped out, found in the MU Radio free bin, promos, the cds I've left on my shelf untouched for ages.
Funny thing is, my most cherished favoritest ever cds are mixes - tracks handpicked, and burnt, traded and just totally random, reminding me of freshman year, the summers spent on the Evanston beaches, that one crazy night spent going out getting drunk in the city... ;)
When I think about all the money I've spent on music over the years, adding it up... I wish for a second that I could just sell all of them back... but someone once pointed out to me that I wouldn't be the same girl I am today without them. It's so true. So I slip them back on the shelf, and keep them, little testimonies to the memories they contain.

सुम्मेर वाकाशन!

I am left behind for two weeks, the house to myself, the fam happily in Italy drinking vineyard wine by the pool, and my blissfully afternoon-free work schedule allowing for lots of time just for myself.

I love waking up in the morning to silence (usually little brother wakes me up by playing his electric guitar at 6am), I love running up and down to the shower totally naked, I love eating pad thai while I watch foreign films in my skimpy jersey nightgowns in the evenings... I like coming and going whenever, wherever. Like my own little vacation right here at home.

Counting down the days until red comes to visit. I like the solitude, but I'll be totally ready for some company by then ;)

विष लिस्ट

what i got for my bday:

cake batter ice cream from Cold Stone
citgo prepaid card
a promise for something from Italy
a cherry print apron with red bows
lavender Vera Wang roses
a jade ring
gift cards to go shopping with
a billion calls and texts
a pony

:)

वहत अरे यू वेअरिंग?

JAizen: what are you wearing
sparkletoastie: right now?
JAizen: sure
sparkletoastie: ummm, jeans and a purple tank top
JAizen: boring
sparkletoastie: but honest
JAizen: so?
sparkletoastie: ok i am wearing a hot pink teddy with black lace, and a diamond necklace with 6 inch fetish shoes... better?
JAizen: much



hahaha

हैप्पी बिर्थ्दय

It's my birthday!

22, i will miss you. 23 here we go!

डान्स फ़ॉर मे

"... i'm not paralyzed,
but I seem to be struck by you.
I want to make you move
because your standing still.
If your body matches
what your eyes can do..."

~ Paralyzer, Finger Eleven

my current fave morning get-ready striptease song

फल्लिंग इन लोवे विथ फ्लोवेर्स

Thin veins beneath delicate skin, unveiling like a virgin, the first breath. Life suspended, beautiful in that moment between - becoming and being, living and dying, sleeping and awake.

Roses are beautiful because of their fragile immediacy, their impermanence. The blossoms only last for a moment before they are gone, leaving only a memory in their place. Is memory the same as the past? If I could hold onto every memory, every petal and save it forever, would it be as wonderful as having it only for those few fleeting seconds? which is more precious? I fell in love, over the petals, my own sweet memories the fragrance even long after they are gone.

बुब्ब्लेस लिके द्रेंस

I wake up from dreams that have lately seemed like life. I think about them until the water from the shower hits my skin and wakes me up one sensation at a time. Soapy and wet, the bubbles rinse away and my thoughts follow them down the drain, and I feel clean, ~happy ~ more than ever.

Sitting out in the sun today, half an hour in the sun with a book felt like vacation. I can't wait to see him, I can't wait to sleep next to him, waking up girlishly happy.

yay

yay, it's my birthday week :)

ड्रीम

My dream:

We were on a mountain. Snowing; it's the middle of summer by the cicadas and heat outside; white everywhere, he tells me. Feigning indifference, and spending the rest of the dream in frozen tears, I wake up and realize that it could be me. I could be her, and everything is my choice.

यूं मान्य

i have way too many options - and my dreams are confusing my direction. every morning i wake up with a completely different plan in mind; it's like spending days in the jungle only to fall asleep, survive the night, and wake up at daybreak with no idea where i am or how far i went the day before.

रेड

the boy i miss.

कैलिफोर्निया गर्ल

~California, photo vignette ~ *by girlie*